St George’s v St Mary’s Cricket Match

Cricket between the two churches had lain dormant for seventeen years since the trophy had last been played for between the two churches. St Mary’s had won that match in 2001 though few in the respective churches remembered very much about it and just as well, arguably, as the talent on display then was limited.

It was St Mary’s idea to revive the rivalry. Following a clear-out within their church, tucked away at the back of their safe the ghastly, cheap, plastic-engraved trophy had been discovered. With the talent in their cricket larder now somewhat thinner, they saw an opportunity to transfer ownership of the eyesore. St George’s took up the challenge, oblivious to the consequences of victory.

Tom Brown enthusiastically took on the task of raising and captaining the St George’s team and so it was that on a hot afternoon in mid July the two teams assembled for battle. Time had taken a sad toll on the St George’s participants of the 2001 match. Rust and age had encrusted themselves around those good people and so fresh, vibrant, younger talent had been sought.

Unfortunately, while the words ‘fresh’, ‘younger’ and ‘vibrant’ applied, ‘talent’ was in much shorter supply. This was also clearly the case with St Mary’s and so it was that a mixture of ladies, gents and children of very varying cricket experience on both sides took to the field.

Now it has to be said that there is cricket and there is cricket. This version was to comprise ten overs batting for each team (60 deliveries), ensuring a speedy conclusion within about an hour. Nor would we be using fancy equipment. No willow bats and lovingly-stitched leather ball, ours was a bright blue plastic bat, matching stumps and a fluorescent orange plastic ball. No pads, gloves, helmets or protective gear of any kind were required.

St Mary’s batted first and it quickly became evident that, as regards cricket, they hadn’t got a clue. With huge swings at every delivery they either failed to connect (mostly) and on the rare occasions that connection was made, the ball sailed up into the air, sometimes reaching the boundary but on numerous occasions falling into the hands of our fielders. And what catching it was! It was as if our guys had coated their hands in glue as brilliant catch after brilliant catch was made. Nigel Allen with two and Andy Hicks with another were among several. Some of our bowling was a bit ‘iffy’. In fact it was downright illegal, but hey, while eyebrows were raised, no objections were made, least of all by the umpire, our own doughty Don Hicks – and he was the one who mattered.

St Mary’s were bundled out for 59 but once St George’s went into bat it was clear that our lack of batting talent matched theirs and 59 began to look a tallish order. Yes, there were some mighty hits and a few boundaries but it had become clear that neither side had got a clue about running between the wickets. Our batspeople would connect heartily with the ball and then just stand there praying that it would reach the boundary. No single runs, twos or threes, oh, no, it was four, six or nothing. The crowd shouted for the batspeople to run, mostly to no avail. Emma and April at one stage got a bit too enthusiastic on this running idea – or rather, Emma did, while April was keener on the ‘stand and deliver’ approach. This unhappily resulted in the running out of the latter. 

Time went by, wickets fell and St George’s were falling short. However, out strode Tom to the wicket and after a number of lusty pulls, hooks and drives to the boundary, St George’s reached the winning total. It was at this point that St Mary’s produced the trophy and it was also at this point that the St George’s faces fell. Oh well, you can’t have it all. The trophy is now safely and securely locked away, well out of sight for the next year.